When we strip away all the external stuff of life and get down to the bare essentials, as it were, we begin to realize that there is so much that is simply unimportant.
As I sit here by the Blue River in Colorado I realized that this entire past month has been a period of time in which I just stripped away at things…..let go, essentially, of the ‘stuff’ of my life to begin to see what is left. We spend our lives in such a constant state of doing, going, and thinking, that just being becomes the most difficult and often unattainable thing we can do. We may take a yoga class or even meditate daily, but let’s be honest with ourselves…are we just ‘fitting’ it into our already busy and full lives?
The mountains have a way of slowing you down, whether you want to or not. I have been here amongst the mountains for exactly 23 days now, and it has taken all of those days for me to look around, all around my being, both body and soul, and……just be. I left a fulltime job,an aspiring second career, a home with my fiancée, and a very active social life to come here for the summer.
I've come to be in Colorado with my daughter for a roommate, taken a part-time job where I’ve only worked a few hours so far, and essentially have loads of time on my hands. This time, which has felt somewhat like a sentence at first, has led to boredom, depression, internal chatter to ‘make money’ or ‘spend money,’ a need to fill up my time, and, also daily, a sense of wonder at my surroundings.
Suddenly I realized, at this very moment, that what I have been resisting for these last days and weeks is simply being with myself. I believe that this is why most people resist changing their lives. Most are content to stay in the same jobs, adhering to the same routines, and living out life clinging to that sameness. What is wrong with that is not the routine itself, but the fact that many of us are using it to hide from ourselves. We are afraid of looking just inside us, at who we really are underneath all the stuff.
When I started this year, I decided to blog the adventure of my life; the journey of coming to Colorado. Little did I know then, just six months previous, how exhilarating, scary, heart wrenching, depressing, and fulfilling this journey would be. It didn’t turn out anything like I thought it would be. I thought as soon as I didn’t have to work a nine to five job anymore that elation would fill my soul, but alas, it doesn’t work that way with change. Elation has to be earned.
So I sit here today, July 11, 2011, watching the snow hit the top of the mountain while it rains in the valley below, and know that in this moment I am truly here, by myself, with myself, inside myself, and the world is an amazing place to be.
Namaste.
